Life sucks (alot) and then you die.

I'm not going to beat around the bush. I have extremely advanced lung cancer with brain, liver, and bone metastasis. There is a bone tumor in my hip which is of course what has been causing all of this sciatic pain. Unfortunately some lung cancers tend to be asymptomatic and are not caught until there is metastasis.

The tipoff was a very strange seizure that I had at around 2:30P Friday at Xavi's preschool. My left arm started to twitch, became increasingly more pronounced, until my arm was moving so violently that I was whacking myself and everyone near me in the head. I was conscious during the whole thing, but couldn't control my arm at all.

So Mark brought me to the ER at St. John's in Santa Monica. Very good call. I am here now.

The kind of seizure I had indicated a problem in the brain and I was sent for a brain CT scan, which showed brain swelling, which led to brain MRI, which showed tumors, which led to full body CT scans, which is how we have so much information. They were able to do so much on a Fri. night! If you ever have a problem come to St. John's. St. John's rocks.

If i don't have another seizure, they are going to send me home today with seizure and pain medication, and steroids to control the swelling in my brain. My sister is here with her 2 kids.

Tomorrow (Monday)morning I will have a liver biopsy. The cancer is the same regardless of where it is so they are just going for the easiest place. After they get biopsy results on Tuesday, they will determine an exact course of treatment. I will start radiation on my brain tumors. They will also get me started on systemic (everywhere in my body) chemo this week. Radiation and chemo will be weekly for 4 weeks and then chemo every 3 weeks. Oncologist anticipates little to no nausea but I will lose my hair. And I will have cognitive changes (memory problems, confusion, etc.) during brain radiation and for 2 weeks after.

Probably radiation on my lung tumor. We'll know more once we know what kind of cancer it is. Oncologist would like to radiate the hip tumor (to get me as back to normal as possible (it is so excrutiating). Unfortunately my bone marrow is in my hip and I need it! So hopefully the bone tumor is far enough from my actual hip joint that they can get rid of it. My hip seriously hurts!

I'm sure by now you're wondering about prognosis. Chances of immediate treatment resulting in complete remission (no tumors) are 20-30%. Unfortunately chances that no cancer will return are 0%. So unless I get hit by a truck, I will be dying from this cancer. But I'm not paying attention to stastistics. I plan to create my own statistics!

So we will just keep attacking the cancer for as long as we can and keep buying as much time as we can for my kids. They need a mama and the mama they need is me! My goal is to do Ivy's hair for her prom.

What I need:

1) NO PITY! I've got enough self-pity going for all of us.

2) Act as normal as possible in front of my kids.

3) If you are local and are cooking for your family, please cook double and bring it over. Maybe someone would be willing to take on scheduling this so that it isn't more chaos for my family.

4) I am in no condition to be consoling anyone. Please don't feel like you can't be as emotional as you need to be in front of me. I would love to have friends to cry with. But please lean on your support system for comfort.

5) Kid help/playdates at our home whenever you can. I may not even be home as will be having lots of treatments, tests, appointments, etc. As soon as I know who will be taking care of my kids, I will get that/those numbers to you. My sister Sylvia is a good place to start for now. (910) 512-3293. Anyone have 5 to 10 year olds for my niece and nephew to play with? They are homeschooled. Maybe some of my home/unschooling friends wouldn't mind them tagging along on one of your outings?

6) I need to hire fulltime childcare. Preferably fluent in Spanish. Ask around.

7) Please don't forget about us 1 month from now, 2 months from now, 1 year from now...

I may think of more. If you have questions that I haven't answered please feel free to respond to this or email me.

Mark is flipping out. Please feel free to reach out to him.

Mark's email: markmarcum@mac.com
Mark's cell phone: 310-425-9157


So sorry for the news. Life sucks! Life has been especially mean to us. Sorry. That's me feeling sorry for myself.