Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Ides of March

On March 9, 2007--the 2 year anniversary of our triplets' births--a judge in Oklahoma signed permission for Xavi and me to leave OK so that we could go home and begin living as a family. My arms had been empty for exactly 2 horrible years.  Xavier came home, made it impossible to not fall head over heels for him, and healed our hearts.


And now I sit here exactly 3 years after that, with terminal metastatic cancer. making it absolutely impossible for me to deny that things can change at any moment without me having any control.  The second life altering (life killing?) event in our lives as the Santaballa-Marcum family.


To update, I am feeling a million times better than I was last month. Tarceva was a monster at first, but my body settled into it and I'm moving along. I have been able to resume some of my childcare responsibilities. Tomorrow I will be allowed to drive, albeit with a bunch of restrictions in place.  This will greatly improve the quality of my life. I have to get a ride to go to the MJ dispensary.  How humiliating is that?!


As for the Audi, it is definitely out of the running. $69K??? I could buy 3 decent cars for that.  We're looking at some other alternative fuel vehicles with the 3rd row.


That's it for now.  I will let you all know how it goes on my first day of driving in 6 months tomorrow.

5 comments:

Gabrielle said...

Your post is heartwrenching, Elena. I was thinking about the very topic as I thought about your boys yesterday and the fight you are in now to remain the Mama to your sweet living children and dear Mark. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better and hope the Tarceva is doing its job. Happy driving tomorrow! Look forward to seeing you on Saturday.

Love,
Deb

shinaidy said...

You are never far from my thoughts, darlin'. Love you beyond words. I never think about this time of year without remembering you and your beautiful boys. Praying everyday for your battle...

Sweetypye said...

Love to you all, I think of you often! Glad you are getting to enjoy a little freedom of driving! And the joy of your kiddos too

nmosquera said...

I hope you got my text Tuesday lady - I have been thinking about this WEEK of yours for days leading up to it. From the wrenching loss of Carlos, Loran and Rafi, to your major birthday a few days later, and of course the gift of Xavi coming home. Sigh - there is no rollercoaster built for those kinds of highs and lows.

Te amo, drive safe, be well.

NL

susanna said...

I think of you often as well and hope that you are able to enjoy the gifts you have recieved in life among the terrible, terrible losses. You have had to face two of the worst challenges any woman could face; the loss of her own children and the pain of being diagosed with a disease that could separate you from your children. I do remember when I thought my tumor markers were going up and that I was going to get a mets dx soon that I was not so much afraid to die as to leave my daughter. I wish from the bottom of my heart that you did not to feel that feeling.

You say MJ dispensary. I hope that means that you have been medically approved for it, that you are getting good quality stuff and that ins is paying. Of course I hope it is helping you since it's no longer a recreational drug but a helpful medicine.

Good that the SE of Tarceva are managable. I hope that you continue to feel as well as possible so you can enjoy the love that is coming your way.


Susanna